National Turn Yourself In Day.

Just Do Time.


Be a Real Patriot! Don't Just Give 'Em Half Your Money, Give 'Em You!

Participate! And Help
Take the Terror Out
of the Prosecutor Terrorists

To use: print out license. Cut along thick border. Fold with ink side out, along dotted line. Trim along thick borders as necessary to fit into wallet. For extra legal standing, leave a thumb print or lip print or something and laminate.

Surely, you must have done something. Gotten a little rowdy in a sports game? Spent a little too much time on the Playboy Channel? Tried to claim custody of your own child? Carried a projectile shooting toy gun down the streets of Chicago? Carried spray paint in your car? Marched in the streets instead of on the sidewalk? Marched on the sidewalk instead of the streets? Ran when you should have walked? Driving while black? Sitting on a bench on Michigan Avenue while black? Driving while drinking? Driving while soliciting? Putting some outlaw substance in your body? Taking Midol or a nail clipper to school? Thinking outside of societal norms? C'mon! You know you're guilty. You say you haven't committed any crime, ever? That's a crime in and of itself! We know you're guilty. You must have done something!! Who's the guilty one? YOU ARE!!

Don't stop now. Don't stop EVER. Your country needs you. Hand over any property deeds, give The Authorities your car ... celebrate your freedom by giving it ALL up and saving The Authorities the time and trouble.

By the way, if you're poor, homeless, indigenous, black, brown, red, olive, yellow, mixta, mentally ill or just a little disturbed, gypsy, poor to lower-middle-class white, anarchist, communist, socialist, undocumented, rabble-rousing, druggie, hippie, yippie or otherwise dippie: participation in this National Day is MANDATORY. Uncle Slam Wants You! Why make him come for you? Go to him instead, it's your duty as a Patriot of this great country. A cell is waiting for you so thousands of others can make a very nice living complete with medical, pensions and 401K plans. What are you waiting for? Your neighbor's standard of living depends on your misery, suffering and torture. What's a little discomfort for you when so many others can live like kings? Without you, running water may come to an end.


Letter To Legislators: Make It Law: It's Too Good Not To

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